Seitanism is Simple, you can do it yer damned self!

I feel that I have made a good case for seitan.

Seitan is good.

Seitan is soy free (if you make it that way)

Seitan is cheap if you make it yourself (costing about 1/5th of the price of mass-produced chicken for the same dose of lean protein). But I had been previously really frustrated that the seitan I made myself at home was always a little spongy- textured and more chewy than I might prefer.

So I would buy it. But that gets expensive (still cheaper than chicken, but by vegan home dining standards... and frankly, I'd rather spend my dahluhs on gorgeous produce), and wastes lots of packaging (not all of which can even be recycled), as well as use of fuel, and contributes to a degree of globalization of my food supply that can be more-avoided.

The trick is this: you have to make it right. Just like all good and simple things, the trick is technique. If you don't believe me, I invite you to try to eat broccoli my mother has prepared on a holiday. just broccoli, salt, and water - should be simple and perfect - but it is a mushy, ghastly, sulfuric mess. Technique, rather than posh ingredients, is sometimes all the difference.

I like to do this in my electric pressure cooker. But if your kitchen hasn't adopted this new-school means to an old-school method, no worries - here's a recipe for the typical stovetop.

This will taste kinda chickenish. If you want it "duck" ish - make the same thing, but use mushroom broth (I know, sounds weird, but the earthiness to me is more ducky/marrow-y) and season with five spice powder. Or come up with your own way. If you figure out how to make one that tastes like a good piece of fish (but remains vegan) please tell!

Meanwhile:

I'm using a 1:2:2 ratio. That is really the whole recipe. This is easy to remember.

1 part other stuff (more on that in a moment)

2 parts vital wheat gluten (I have had the best results using the Bob's Red Mill brand, ymmv)

2 parts tasty liquid

for the aforementioned other stuff: anything that'll bind water, intercalate itself between the particles of wheat gluten to loosen the strands a bit, and add flavor is the idea. Stuff like corn meal, pulverized oatmeal, soya powder, breadcrumbs, whole wheat flour, chickpea flour, tapioca flour/starch, potato flakes (or "spuds" as my sister and I call them), you-name-it. For this iteration, I divided my "other stuff" into thirds: one third flavored breadcrumbs, one third whole wheat flour, and one third whole soya flour (not defatted). All that said, you could just add the same volume of wheat gluten and make it plain, but it winds up a bit spongier.

so, 1:2:2 - an easy start would be 3/4 cup (volume not weight) of other stuff, 1.5 cu of wheat gluten.

mix together the dry stuff

then add 1.5 cu of any tasty, alcohol-free, lowfat liquid of your choice. I used 1 cube of Rapunzel brand vegetable bouillon in 1.5 cu of warmish water. (p.s. Rapunzel vegan bouillon is delicious and tastes very chicken-broth-y. You use what you like). Add it all at once, and mix it all together until you have a uniform dough.

here's the technique part: in a bowl (since the dough can be a bit wet at first, and you do not want to add flour or anything on a board), knead it by mashing the heel of your hand into the ball so it climbs up the side of the bowl a bit, then flip the upper, displaced dough down onto the doughball, and repeat. flip the whole thing over from time to time. knead for five to ten minutes. that is not a typo. just do it while you watch Justin Bieber's hair grow or something.

then walk away for about 10-20 minutes.

go back, knead again for another few minutes (like three) as you work the dough into a large sausage-shape. try to not taper the edges.

set the log-o-wheaty-goodness on a cutting board, and slice it using a very sharp knife into similar-volume pieces (about 2 fluid oz. each) and then gently stretch/smash each once into a cutlet/slice-of-bread shape and set aside.

meanwhile, get about 4 cups of a tasty liquid (or water, I just made more boullion) simmering in a big pot.

once it is boiling, turn it down and gently drop in, one at a time, stirring gently in between, all of the cutlets.

cover, and gently simmer for about a half hour, stirring occasionally just to prevent sticking.

viola - Seitan.

you can use it right away as is. you can dice it up and treat it like a ground meat. You can mist it in a tiny bit of olive oil, roll through a field of lovely breadcrumbs, and brown in a skillet (making a very convincing, better-than-chicken cutlet)... you could shred it and add some celery, tiny green grapes, and vegenaise for the best tasting chicken salad you ever ate (which, incidentally, contains no chicken) and pop it in a sandwich. I've made piccata. Last night, it was doused with some tomato sauce, covered with Daiya vegan cheese, popped in the "nukuh" for one minute and (poof) - parm-style goodness in under 2 minutes! It can be shaped or formed into other things - like a turkey-breast shape (try poultry seasoning and rolling some sage in) and then sliced... or any other idea you have.

Seitan is more flexible than Johnny Weir. And that guy is awesome.

to store - let it cool to room temp, then store in the container of your choice with some of the cooking broth to keep it moist.

Did you try this? Did it suck? Have a question or idea? Let me know. oh, and if you know how to make Chinese style wheat-meat sausage (which I know is fattier, I don't care, and I love it) - spill the beans! (or gluten, as the case may be).